I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
