Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
