my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
