I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you never un-have a 4some
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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