I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
