so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
