I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
