I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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