mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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