Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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