all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize
