worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
