I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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