69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
