Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Randomize