I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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