I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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