It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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