The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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