all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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