My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
