my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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