I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
