i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
