we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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