she looked like the bat from fern gully.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
