He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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