I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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