Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
