I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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