I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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