Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
