Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
