Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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