People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
