So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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