Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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