if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
