remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Im part way to drunk.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
