party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I look better un-naked...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
