): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
