Well douche your snatch and let's go!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
