dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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