but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
