Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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