That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i came on her dog
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
