But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
