The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
