Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize