Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Everything about him screamed your future.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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