shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize