If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
