Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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