hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
