We won't sleep together?
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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