I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
