She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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