We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
