they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
