my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
