Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
