You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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