my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
