his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I stole a fireplace last night.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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