The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
