A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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