don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Two words: nipple clamps
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