I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
