I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize