Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
