she was so not down for the gang bang
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
