UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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