i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
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