Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
