It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
