There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
